Greatest car chase ever

A while ago Sara Kennedy, Radio 2's early morning jock and Peter Briffa fave, was on holiday and her stand-in asked his listeners to e-mail or text in their suggestions for the best ever movie car chase. All the obvious contenders were present and correct; Bullit, Ronin, Italian Job and so on. However I don't recall anybody suggesting the real undisputed champion, the climactic car chase at the end of the classic meisterwerk that is Confessions of a Driving Instructor. I'm serious.

Here's the, erm, plot so far.

Jack the lad lethario Timmy Lea, played by Robin Askwith, and his brother-in-law Sidney Noggett, played by Tony Booth, have knocked the window cleaning game on the head and opened a driving school. Relations with their rivals Mr. Truscott, Windsor Davies, who is bizarrely a Scotsman in this film, and his business partner, one Tony Bender (oh yes), get off to a poor start. From then on they can only get worse because Truscott's daughter Mary, who Bender still thinks is his girlfriend, has the hots for Timmy Lea.

Having been coerced by Mary into playing in a rugby match against macho regular rugby player Bender, Timmy Lea takes to the field on the opposing side. At half time Sid Noggett attempts to boost his brother-in-law's flagging energy with a "Bang On Sex Paket" love pill dissolved in his drink. Mr Truscott had obtained the pills from Denmark, naturally, and Timmy had managed to liberate them from his sideboard the previous evening. However, as chance would have it, before Sid has a chance to stop him, Bender manages to gulp down the potion instead. Hilarity ensues…

Click on the thumbnails for a larger image.

Play resumes and the potion soon begins to take effect on Tony Bender.

The object of Bender's desire is, so he thinks, his girlfriend Mary Truscott as played by Oxo mum Lynda Bellingham. And hey, isn't that the Prime Minister's father in law?

As Bender's uncontrollable urges overwhelm him he rushes over to Miss Truscott.

She promptly flees.

She runs around Timmy's driving instructor's car.

And tries to clamber in through the driver's side door and out through the passenger's side.

However because the door is jammed shut she is unable to escape, Bender jumps in to the driving seat and starts the car.

Timmy Lea and Mr Truscott watch in horror as the pill powered sex crazed maniac drives off with their friend/daughter/car.

Bender's away. The ancient Ford's tyres smoke as it understeers around the corner.

Lea and Truscott set off in hot pursuit in the latter's Bentley. Because of a stuck door our hero Timmy has to drive. Presumably 1970's car makers ought to have looked into the growing problem of sticking doors.

Soak up the awful crapitude of an average 1970's British high street.

He's got fire in his eyes.

Really? In the 1970s?

Bender goes left.

Lea goes right and the workmen must leap for their lives.

And the Welshman playing a Scotsman turns his usual puce.

That's a tight squeeze.

A pipe band just happen to be marching along the road. As they often do about South London's suburbs.

The two cars approach the pipes and drums at high speed.

And they whizz by on either side.

Leaving the marchers without kilts. But of course! Bet that doesn't happen in The Dukes of Hazzard.

Smack! The pride of the British motor industry takes a direct hit from Bender.

Then he manages to sneak between that Austin Maxi and that brick wall.

But unfortunately someone has stacked a load of oil drums right in the way.

Remember that brick wall?

Oh dear.

Now what lies in our heroes' path?

Only the driving examination centre.

And once they've crashed through the wall and into the building what do they find? Of course, the manager and his secretary busy on the job.

Magnificent stuff I'm sure you'll agree. And if you don't, then you're a stuck up jaded old cynic.